Holly fucked Mollie ...
The year that I thought would of been one way : full of positive change, business growth, quality time, moving out, traveling more etc...
Really took a 180 and brought me : confusion, me asking what do I want out of life, am I making the right choices, is life fair, death, pain, chronic pain, anxiety, insomnia, self doubt, stopping what I love.
Alberta
The year started in January of with my first trip to Alberta, my first vacation with my boyfriend. A real relationship tester. It really was amazing, but me at ease for moving in with him .
It was such a eye opener as to how amazing Canada really is. I am more of a nature girl then a city girl. I hate the cold but because of how beautiful everything was I was not even focused on the weather. I also was wearing 4-5 layers, so that helped.
More of my trip and what we did here : Alberta Trip
Career
After my vacation in February I secured my dream job as a interior designer for a large furniture company. I was going to help them build their new store! Essentially from the ground up. Then stay on as a permanent hire. It was my dream job and luckily close to where me and my boyfriend wanted to move in together.
My neck pain ...
From the car accident I have to live with chronic pain. It flairs up so all throughout the year I have dealt with horrible migraines from the neck pain, loss of vision, sensitivity to light, nausea . I also have a hard time with my hand, I get severe pain if I use it.
- this has been a major part of my year. Has effected my work, my small business etc...
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Hospital
Aunt brain surgery to partially remove a brain tumor . My cousin's father in laws stroke left him in a state where he can't move, speak,feed himself .
Wedding Season!
So many.. I was very lucky to be invited to all of my partners friends weddings, and one of my very good friends got married too.
Really forced me to accept my Indian side. I used to hate going to weddings, especially Indian ones. When it is someone you know and people you care about it is way different then being a young kid dragged to some random relatives wedding that you have never seen. I actually enjoyed myself and was so happy for the couples!
Also discovered my Indian gal style , which I enjoyed lol
Moving in!
I moved out and with my man. The condo hunt, roaming around Toronto trying to find the perfect condo. Getting rejected again and again. Finally, I wrote a letter to my future landlord that I believe got us the place .it's competitive out there!
You learn a lot about yourself and your partner when you move in together.
Living in Toronto
Reality check it's changed since I used to go to school in Toronto...but I think the whole world has at this point, or at least Ontario.
So many angry people... Not just homeless people spazing out and yelling, physically harming people . But also the average person.
As much beauty Toronto has, it can be scary even in the nicest of areas you have to be so careful. Sometimes that can get to be too much. I have to educate myself and be aware about what's going on. However, a lot of the time I have to stop cause you can really become a hermit. All the horrible stuff that goes on makes you feel so unsafe.
I have had great times, moments of holly shit I live in Toronto! I have explored so many different neighborhoods, boutiques, restaurants etc..
Funeral season ..
As many of you know from my previous blog you can read the details here:
I still do not understand why the word "fun" is in funeral..
I didn't realize how much a funeral can teach you about yourself, how you handle emotions, how you try to be logical about it ... How different it hits you when it's two people you have basically know your whole life. One passing young, the other old- how that effects you differently.
I feel like it comes in random waves.. the emotions, flashbacks. The only real thought or emotion I felt when it happened was about how unfair life is to the good people. And I still think that.
It also hit me more and more as the months went on because of all my other families health problems - how they were doing as the months went by .
Grandma is still withering away ...
My Grandma was supposed to pass first according to the doctor. Her tumor that was removed came back bigger and badder, spread. The amount of morphine she is on is unreal. She has moments of clarity were I am talking to her like I used to. Then sometimes she is drained,in pain screaming. There has been a few times over FaceTime were she doesn't know who I am- that scares me .
I know my grandparents were about to pass so I tried to visit so much more. It became hard seeing them that way. They raised me and to see amazing, good people in pain and not who they truly are - it was a life lesson that I already knew. - life's a bitxh that is unfair and unkind.
Sweet and Spicy and the hustle ..
The name of my jewelry company. I had big things prepared and planned. I was going to do my first ever in person market. Everything was ready .. except me. In the midst of the chaos,time flew by and I chose to drop out of it. I wasn't even disappointed in my self . Normally I would be but I was just like WTF. The commute - Toronto to Brampton back and forth. Then working and attempting to process shit .
Family is life
My family has gone through a lot this year. I am a fixer and these are all things I can not fix . I can not fix people's problems , bring them back to life, cure their illnesses and I hate that!
I have literally gotten my self sick of the stress of my family, and worrying about them.
Especially being in Toronto - my biggest fear with moving was god forbid someone needs me back home. I can't get to them fast enough.
I got lucky when my grandpa past in the sense that I just happened to be back in my family home.
PCOS ... Health issues confusion ahjj
Doctors are shit. Woman's health care is shit there is little to no research on female health. People push pills just to cover a problem which just causes another.
I have irregular period - the stress of not knowing when it's coming is so annoying. I am not trying to ruin my cute underwear
The hair growth etc .. it's all a lot.
I am lucky that woman feel more comfortable talking about these issues and I have learned and gained more Insight through talking to random woman who have it and friends then doctors.
I appreciate that woman feel like they can talk about health issues, openly share.
I will be going the holistic route ! I have to do more research on it, but people ( not doctors) have given me some great info!
Holiday season
I want it to be like before COVID. Family get together everyone there like it used to be... But it won't be. My grandpa won't be there. And this is the first family gathering since ..
I think because we all lost so much this year we really took the time to spend Christmas with one another. It did snow on the 24 and 25 which made it feel so much more like Christmas. It was a lot nicer of a Christmas than I thought it would be.
I also got included in my boyfriends family Christmas for the first time. It was so much fun, super chill and I enjoyed myself !
Holidays in Toronto is beautiful . I am glad I got to experience that as well!
Where I am now
Adjust how I deal : I have had to really learn to be okay with not fixing it and handling it all. I have done that for years and its hard to unlearn that
Hustle : I never used to take breaks. Normally I would of pushes threw gone to the market, goals, growth is everything to me. This was the first time ever I was like I need time. And I took it, and I don't regret it which is weird normally I would be pissed with my self.
Expand the brand
I want to get back into my company full swing. I am in products research right now. I think I need to add more products, expand just so I can be more creative which will get me back into it. I am such a creative person and that's always helped me.
Health is wealth
I focus more on my dogs health then mine. But I really am trying to get mine back in check and in the new year book appointments for holistic approaches .