You left your toxic workplace or were forced out, now what?

Lets talk about how to get over what happened to you, get mentally in the right head-space, physically better, stop overthinking, stop mourning and start moving on. Building your new dream life and coming to terms with mourning with what you once wanted was ruined by toxic people.

The DM's I have been getting from my previous co-workers who are facing what I have faced. The random DM's from strangers who have gone through it as well.. That is what prompted me to write this and provide insight to the mental toll, physical toll, and the resources I used to get myself into a better head space.

How I got here ( a summery of over 3 years) :

I have always valued my career, taken on extra responsibilities out side of my scope of work, I was always there to help others and I had such great relationships with people in the company I worked for, even people outside of my department and location. However, I was dealing from day one with a horrible team member: she was demeaning, a bully, attacking my personal life, everything had to be done her way etc.. the list goes on. I tried talking to her about it and was met with I am how I am. - Her old manager even warned me about her.

My manager then started in one me forcing me to take that co-workers work load so she could grow within the company, meanwhile I was taking on extra work and not pushing my responsibilities onto others. My manager would harass me with random meeting to discuss how even though I am not the problem I need to fix things with the co-worker, even though I was civil and professional and always put work first. She tired to demote me to make the other co-worker feel better. When that did not work cause I stood my ground. She promoted her to be my manager... she would only be managing me. My manager even started spreading lies about how I could not handle my extra workload to HR.

Then HR but me on a PIP - which I proved later to be highly invalid but they made my life hell and went about the whole process against the companies policies. They knew I was trying to get out of that location because of the years of bullying, harassment and targeting. A PIP would drastically effect my ability to gain new opportunities outside of this location.

Obviously this is not even scratching the surface of what happened there...

Not to mention - I was having nervous ticks for years, throwing up all the time, hiding from these people while I was working there, always getting sick, could not sleep etc...

The funny part is my manager stuck up soo much for that co-worker that bullied the shiz out of me but that co-worker would talk so much shiz about our manager.

Main Points to Understand About Your Toxic Workplace

• GET OUT NOW. People are who they are, these type of people know exactly how they are treating you and they do not care. I tried talking to them, but they did not care.

• Evil people always win in corporations - its not fair, its not right, its not your responsibility to change it. Just move on.

• There is nothing you could of done to change your outcome, or how they treated you- stop replaying it in your head its not worth it. Take the lesson and move on.

• HR is evil - they will never help you... even if you have proof. We know HR is meant to protect the company, they do not care about you.

• Everyone ( all the a** holes) but themselves first, you need to do the same.

The hardest part is: You loved your actual job, you were great at your actual job, you had a career plan that you knew you could achieve, you got on with everyone else. AND that and YOUR FUTURE, what you dreamed of, planned for was all destroyed by insecure, narcissistic, bullies.

Especially for woman we have to think of our future in a different way. The company was good the benefits were good, if i needed to go on maternity leave etc.. There is a different level of stress. If I leave this job the economy is shit, but I am ill and will get worse if I stay here. BUT if i even get interviews they will be concerned about my age: she looks 30 she will probably get married soon and want time off, then she will want kids and be on maternity leave and then I have to contract someone to do her job in the meantime. There is a different set of rules and hardship for woman.

BUT facing that over a place that is hell and will never get better I will take any day.

Your workplace will never get better. Places like that only get worse : "A single rotting fruit quickly ruins others"

How to come to a place of acceptance and move forward

• Take the time to do nothing- do not apply for jobs, process what happened or if you need to get a softer job- nothing in your field a clock in and clock out job.

• Talk to a therapist, or a friend if you can not afford a therapist. However there are affordable therapy options here : BetterHelp

• Be outside, no music, no distractions, go for a walk

• Start exercising - moving the body does help.

• Do the hobbies you loved when you were a child - this one is a hug for your soul.

• You are not alone - we are in a millenial career crisis because of situations like this. Hearing that my workplace got worse after I left as bad as it sounds made me feel better that it was not a me problem it was a them problem! - Connect to your old co-workers it will bring you understanding but dont fixate on it too much and spiral.

• Journal - do not keep in bottled up.

• Reading really helped me. There are a few books that I recommend I will list them in order. They helped me to gain acceptance, and move on. I have highlighted and written notes in these books, I refer back to them so much. There is so much insight, connection and empathy in books.

  
  

Books You Should Read

1. When Things Don't Go Your Way - THIS BOOK . This is the one to read, and you will re-read it at different phases in life. It helped me to accept what happened- which is the first step to moving on. It also helped me to realise I held on so tight that I was hurting myself. At a certain point if you are holding on that long, with no reward you need to let go. Not delay the process of gaining better opportunities.

   

   Get the Book Here

2. Its a classic... But it helped me to understand people. I read it after the book above. It helped me to understand life and people more. Made me fully accept and understand what happened to me was not for me to fix, it was a them problem, that is who they are, their actions was a reflection of their insecurities, their lack of self-worth and they saw something in me that they could never be. I know that sounds cocky but when I was reflecting at how jealous they would get when people would complement my work, how people would gravitate to me it all aligned.

   

   Get the Book Here

   
   

There are so many other books that helped and are just great books for all stages of life.

My Book List Here

New Perspective This is a Reset!

The universe works in weird ways but always in your favour. I still have a hard time figuring out what I want to do next- I loved my career. I do not know if I want to go back into the same sector or explore something new.

Do I want a soft job, not related to my field or do I want to go back to my hustle that I loved so much that was in my field.

These are all the questions to ask yourself once you are not constainly thinking about how you did not deserve to go through that toxic workplace. No one deserves that! You need to first accept and put to bed what happened to you before looking for whats next. Trust me if you dont it will only cloud your judgement and put you in a worse spot.

It is like a breakup. It takes time and there are phases. But in order to move on you need to accept it, and pivot. Its hard because you expected your career and life to go a different way and now it has blown up and you have to start over. As hard as it is you need to view it as a blessing, make a plan for next steps - once you are not fixated on what happened to you.

I am now in the hard place of what do I want? What career/job do I want? After X amount of years of knowing and working towards it, I have no idea about what is next? Do I still want what I wanted just at a better company, or do I want something so different?