I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I have always been "skinny". Growing up people would always make comments:
oh my gosh you could be a model, your figure is amazing, you have such a tiny waist, you have gorgeous long legs you should model, etc...
I have gotten a lot of sweet comments!
On the flip side ... I have gotten comments like:
it doesn't look nice that your that skinny, you look sick, your ass is not big enough, you have a big head, you should squat, you should eat, do you eat, you're not eating enough, you look like your starving your self, your too skinny, your skin and bones - with a judgment face/ a facial expression that shows they are disgusted with my appearance.
I have also heard other woman's stories, them being told:
You are too fat you will never find a husband, maybe if you lost/ gained a few pounds, wow your feet are big, your not thick enough I like thick woman, if you got on a boat you would sink it, etc...
Body shaming goes both ways. People will shame you if you are skinny and if you are curvy
So what is the perfect body? ... there is no perfect body. You will always be TOO SKINNY or TOO FAT to these people.
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These comments have such an effect on our Mental and Physical Health:
Mentally - No matter how strong you are, how secure you are after a while it does tear you down. It gets to you. You get feed up and that is okay. You have every right to be fed up with people like this!
Physically - I know people who have overeaten or undereaten worked out in the gym to the point of passing out, gone on stupid diets. All because of these comments. People who are skinny and have been told eww your too skinny have gained so much weight to the point that they now have major health problems because of it.
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My Experience :
Despite these comments outside of my home, I am fortunate that I have never received them from family members. You may get bullied, harassed outside the home with these comments but when you come home you should feel: accepted, protected, not judged, and reassured in who you are and what you look like.
That is why it is important to have friends, spouses, partners, family members that do not make comments on your appearance.
When strangers make these comments, I can brush it off, but if it was people close to me, that would have affected me in a way different way.
My friend once told me: You should never make a comment about a person's appearance if it is something they can not change in 5 minutes.
ex. You have a booger sticking out of your nose
I have also had jokes made about my weight, which I have always been fine with because they were light-hearted and not referring to my weight as a negative thing. But I have also had the reverse and that I do not like.
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Why it bothers me so much :
- It affects people's day to day, what they think of themselves and you just have no right to make comments on peoples weight.
- I have had yearly doctor check-ups and if my weight is not a concern to my doctor why are you so concerned ... You should find a hobby instead of making comments about people's weight.
- there is no perfect body so stop telling people they are not perfect.
- why are you judging people on their appearance instead of their character.
-STOP MAKING A WOMANS BODY A TREND- what people deemed beautiful was skinny, skinny lips, tiny butt now its big butt, big lips, curvy but not too curvy, big butt and abs. OUR BODY IS NOT A TREND. Your body is beautiful regardless - skinny or curvy you are gorgeous!
- Unrealistic big butt and abs at the same time and make sure its natural, not plastic surgery ... not possible
- We all have our own insecurities and it takes a while to accept them but when people keep making comments on insecurities we have come to love sometimes the insecurities come back.
- LASTLY AND MOST IMPORTANTLY (TO ME) - would you make these comments to your daughter or son????
I know people will always make these comments once you leave your home, or on the internet. However, if I had children I would want them to be strong enough to handle it, know their worth is not based on their appearance but based on their character, how they treat people, how they respect, uplift people, that they are so much more than a number on a scale, a small butt or big butt, abs or no abs. Their appearance should not be their main concern, their mental and physical health should be.
That being said people will make comments but when they come home they should feel loved as they are, for who they are. I want my partner and me to reassure them with our actions and words. Not just in the interactions we have with our children but also in the interactions that our children will see between my partner and me.
I have learned to call people out, in a nice, informative way. Do not feel bad for calling people out. Even if they say ohh it was just a joke, gosh you can't take a joke... Instilling insecurities into someone, being rude, trying to diminish someone's self-worth, self-love, commenting about someone's weight - IS NEVER A JOKE and we should not make it a joke.
You do not know people's health struggles or weight struggles. Someone may have had an eating disorder and you telling them they look too big may make them go back to that eating disorder.