The shit I say to my psychologist - how to have compassion and self compassion
While being at home for 4 months now I have realized a lot about myself...and my psychologist verified my thoughts about myself.
Like in prior blog posts:
I have discussed how I have a hard time accepting things, how I am a go getter and I do not stop until I get what I want. If I have a goal I refuse to make excuses. Ever since COVID-19 like most people my job has been up in the air. Even prior to COVI-19, I was looking for a new job in my field. I pride myself on the fact that I hustled to get my current job which is in both my fields. Only due to toxic management is why I made the decision to look for a new job.
You can read more about how my boss hit my car here -> February, March Recap
My plan was to already be in a new environment, new job, in my field. COVID-19 clearly had other plans. Now I am left beating my self up that I have not accomplished any of my goals. I am 25 years old, living at home, technically jobless, no relationship, Lola god bless her but man does she have an attitude sometimes, I have not had one interview, any job posting I am applying to emails back saying they are putting their search on hold.
I am SH*T PISSED about the current status of my life. I do realize how blessed I am to being living at home, to have the support of family and friends. It is just such a blow to have all this stuff happen in 2020, in the world and personally. To really be trying to get out of a place I do not want to be in and not seeing any hope. - That is why I beat my self up.
Telling all this to my psychologist she said : " It is really funny how you have so much compassion towards others, but no compassion towards yourself".
That really hit me. I am hard on myself. I do not know when I started being like this. I just always had the mindset well if you want it you better get the f*ck up and go get it, and do not complain if you are not getting it, it means your not trying hard enough.
She said with ex boyfriends I was always so kind, patient, lead with compassion even when they did not deserve it. Why am I not like that to myself.
Even with friends. She says you always put yourself into others shoes, give them great, kind advice, but when it comes to yourself- your such a B*TCH to yourself.
I love it when my psychologist gives it to me straight no chaser . I have known her since I was 22 years old. She has seen me through a lot of dumb sh*t I have done, boyfriend problems, career problems, you name it that woman has heard it all. Lets be honest I am kinda a magnet for disaster.
She told me to check out this site -> https://self-compassion.org/
Self compassion now more than ever is so important. 2020 has been a crazy year. All the natural disasters, the death of legends, plane crashes, covid-19, black lives matter movement, fighting police brutality etc... It is important during this time to self reflect, check in with ourselves and make sure we are giving the same compassion we give to others to ourselves.
What is self compassion ?
Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings.-Dr.Kristin Neff
So I am going to share with you some of the methods I have been using to be more self-compassionate:
Talk to your self like you would a friend - be kind to yourself like you would a friend going through what you are.
When something happens write down how it made you feel, then accept it, do not judge your self for feeling this way, your feelings are always valid.
Acknowledge that the situation you face to make you feel a certain way is something you are not alone in. You are not the only one that this is happening to or has happened to.
Then write down a self kindness statement- it is okay that this happened to me or it is okay I made a mistake I have learned from this and will do better etc...
Hand to Heart -
When you notice you’re under stress, take 2-3 deep.
Place your hand over your heart, feeling the gentle pressure and warmth of your hand. .
Feel the touch of you hand on your chest.
Feel the rising and falling of your chest as you breathe in and as you breathe out.
Linger with the feeling for as long as you like.
I find this method great because if you feel you are having an anxiety attack it helps to bring you back into the moment.
I also wrote an article on Mental Health During Covid-19 to help you find a new normal during this pandemic, to give you ways and examples as to how to still enjoy your life, and resources for further assistance with anxiety.
Definitely check out her website for more exercise to practice self compassion. I only outlined a few of her methods.
Some of my favorite self care products :